silence

Saturday was my day off even though i went in early to finish a repair. Kristen went to work at noon and i was alone with the kid until late in the evening. i started the process of going through the pet bin where we keep everything pet related. Sam's old harness was in there. he chewed through it when i made the mistake of leaving it on him too long. one of many things that met an untimely demise by Sam's teeth. his puppy harness was in there too, in tact. that i'm keeping. there was also one of his flexy foam bones he loved so much in there with one of the tips chewed off, squeeker broken, foam hanging out. keeping that one. then there was various junk that may come to use for another dog so that will all go to someone else.

outside in the stairwell was Sam's pulling harness. i want to keep that, but it would serve someone well. Sam looked so slick in that harness and loved to pull me along on the bike. he'd look like an Iditarod dog loping along in front of me. also found some poop bags and more toys to give away. found even more toys in the corner of the kitchen. ones he never had an interest for. then finally a Kong ball in the cab of my truck. that thing would bounce forever and i was afraid, sometimes, that i'd throw it so far that my dog would never come back.

Sam's food bucket's been sitting in the same spot at the edge of the kitchen. i packed his half empty bowl into the bucket Friday when we got home since i pass by it so much. just can't look at that anymore. the bucket it still half filled with his food.

then i got to the business of taking care of the baby and trying to go about my day. the silence in the apartment was deafening. i could hear every car go by, the wind blow in the trees, house creaking. it was driving me mad so i turned on the stereo but that didn't help much. the baby kept me distracted somewhat and a friend called to break the silence for a bit. but ultimately, the fact that Sam's paws and collar are no longer here was almost too much to take. i took off and took Gabe for a stroll and visited Kristen at work. we came home and it was a relief to not have to be listening to that silence anymore.

guard dog

i feel like Sam was Gabe's guard dog. Sam was right there when Gabe was born and i feel that he made sure the baby and Kristen were OK and that, in the weeks following Gabe's birth, he made sure mother and baby stayed OK. then he felt his job in life was done and it was time to move on. your time here was way to short. thank you, Sam, for watching over my babies. i owe you.

stars

i went in to work at 6:00a to finish a repair i started Friday. it worked out b/c i was already awake and it would get me back home with plenty of time for Kristen to get ready for work. when i got out, it was 8:15a and sunny. the sun was still fairly low in the sky directly in front of me most of the way and there was some kind of pollen floating around. it looked like really fluffy snow. anyhow, when i passed Bishops Corner and then Trout Brook there was a school on my right and blowing across 44 like a blizzard was that fluffy pollen, bright like little stars in the sun. playing on the iPod was Neil Young's Truth Be Known from Mirrorball. the song nears an end with the lyrics, '...And your song meets a sudden end'. i smiled a sad smile and turned onto Steele and home, Sam in my thoughts.